funktagious: (syd and will - next big thing)
RE: This Crap

Mr. Kripke:

It has come to our attention that you have decided you no longer need to affect even the appearance of having "artistic vision" or "integrity"; quite the bold move. While your level of toolishness is surely applauded by your soulless network overlords, this attribute is not typically considered an asset when working in creative media.

The decision has been made, and we have no doubt it is too late to change at this juncture. However, we thought it wise to bring several facts to your attention in the event that you consider any possible future sell-outs to whiny fangirls:
  1. The fans you are changing entire plots for will never stop watching your show. Ever.1 In fact, the more reasons you give them to hate you, the longer they will stick with it, just to see if you ever listen to their terrible advice. Feel free to ignore them at will--it will have no effect on your ratings.

  2. There is a certain subset of fans who hate any character who may potentially have sexual intercourse with Sam or Dean. We understand that this makes introducing female characters problematic, as these fans will immediately call for the death of any love interest (because then Sam and Dean will be more likely to marry them, duh! Or have sex with each other!). However, were you aware that women do not just exist to be love interests? Shocking, I know, but IT'S TRUE. Perhaps to please your fans who don't hate women, you should introduce some female characters who don't particularly want to boink the Winchesters (except maybe John). Maybe a librarian or waitress in a town they pass through frequently who lets them sleep on her living floor and mends their clothes and thinks they're total dorks, but they fix her toilet and stuff, so it's cool. Or, you could bring back characters from the past, such as Ellen or Missouri. Only then will you have a chance at having a female character these particular fans will not hate (or at least not HATE-hate).

  3. You should also consider, possibly, spending time with actual women in real life. Did you know that they fall into more categories than just "heinous bitch," "helpless damsel," and "tough broad who won't take any of your shit"? Again, this is true, and maybe if you spend time with women who are not in comic books or snuff films, you will eventually learn how to write more likable female characters.




Please take our suggestions under consideration.


Sincerely,

The Staff

1There is one exception to this rule, which can happen in a variety of ways. Following are just a few possibilities:

  1. Sam and Dean die and two NOT CUTE characters take over their mission.

  2. It is discovered that the only reason Sam and Dean are CUTE is because they have cast a glamour spell on themselves. A witch reverses the glamour, and the show continues with the real Sam and Dean, who are totally NOT CUTE.

  3. Sam and Dean are in a horrific accident (maybe someone throws acid on their faces? The possibilities for maiming are endless!) and end up horribly disfigured. Jensen and Jared are then forced to wear itchy prosthetic makeup that makes them look like The Great Mutato and Post-Gunshot Jeffrey Spender, respectively. Since Sam and Dean are now super NOT CUTE, the fangirls stop watching in protest. Jensen Ackles loves it though, because everyone knows being ugly on film is what makes you a serious actor.

funktagious: (krycek)
Okay, Lanie is the only person involved with the online XF fandom that I'm sure reads this. But whatever, this needs to be said.

Donating money to these "Thank You ______" ad campaigns is the most profound waste of money I could possibly concieve of. These ads cost upwards of $2000. The Thank You Robert ad is going to be $2900, and the Thank You Mitch ad is currently going for an asinine $3,220.

Yes, I realize that any extra money donated is going to charity. But how much is that going to be? Do you all realize how much any number of charities could use the thousands of dollars that are instead going to be used to pay for a stupid black-and-white ad that will only run for one day?

I know for a fact that Nicholas Lea would rather have that money given to charity in his name to thank him rather than a stupid ad, as he's said it several times in interviews, and I'm 99.999% sure that every other actor that you freaks are thanking would rather have the money going towards their thank you ad donated to charity as well.

Just because it doesn't get media attention doesn't mean it's not good enough. I'm sure the actors you're thanking have no need to have all of Hollywood know that their fans are grateful for their work. Yes, it's nice, but they don't need it. And that's not saying that donating the money to charity wouldn't get media attention: 1) because several thousand dollars is quite a lot of money to be donated at once, especially if it's in the name of some actor; and 2) because you could certianly notify the media saying, "Dudes, we're raising money to donate to whichever charity in the name of whoever in thanks for however many years of work they put into The X-Files." I'm sure someone would be having a slow enough news day that they would cover it.

No offense to the people running these campaigns and/or donating to them, but it's retarded. If you happen to be one of those people, I suggest considering taking the money that you've earned so far and any money donated in the future and donating it to the actor's favorite charity in thier name and (possibly) contacting some media outlet telling them what you're doing if media attention is what you crave, or if you're just one of the people donating money, contact the webmaster of these operations and suggest that they donate the money to something more important than Variety or The Hollywood Reporter.

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July 2010

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