???

30 Dec 2009 05:14 pm
funktagious: (Default)
Oh my god, "Bulls on Parade" is "classic rock" now?? Shut up, KZOK.

eta: "Closer" too?? Really? On the Greatest Classic Rocks Songs of All Time countdown? Along with all kinds of Black Sabbath and AC/DC and Led Zeppelin? REALLY?!
funktagious: (syd and will - next big thing)
RE: This Crap

Mr. Kripke:

It has come to our attention that you have decided you no longer need to affect even the appearance of having "artistic vision" or "integrity"; quite the bold move. While your level of toolishness is surely applauded by your soulless network overlords, this attribute is not typically considered an asset when working in creative media.

The decision has been made, and we have no doubt it is too late to change at this juncture. However, we thought it wise to bring several facts to your attention in the event that you consider any possible future sell-outs to whiny fangirls:
  1. The fans you are changing entire plots for will never stop watching your show. Ever.1 In fact, the more reasons you give them to hate you, the longer they will stick with it, just to see if you ever listen to their terrible advice. Feel free to ignore them at will--it will have no effect on your ratings.

  2. There is a certain subset of fans who hate any character who may potentially have sexual intercourse with Sam or Dean. We understand that this makes introducing female characters problematic, as these fans will immediately call for the death of any love interest (because then Sam and Dean will be more likely to marry them, duh! Or have sex with each other!). However, were you aware that women do not just exist to be love interests? Shocking, I know, but IT'S TRUE. Perhaps to please your fans who don't hate women, you should introduce some female characters who don't particularly want to boink the Winchesters (except maybe John). Maybe a librarian or waitress in a town they pass through frequently who lets them sleep on her living floor and mends their clothes and thinks they're total dorks, but they fix her toilet and stuff, so it's cool. Or, you could bring back characters from the past, such as Ellen or Missouri. Only then will you have a chance at having a female character these particular fans will not hate (or at least not HATE-hate).

  3. You should also consider, possibly, spending time with actual women in real life. Did you know that they fall into more categories than just "heinous bitch," "helpless damsel," and "tough broad who won't take any of your shit"? Again, this is true, and maybe if you spend time with women who are not in comic books or snuff films, you will eventually learn how to write more likable female characters.




Please take our suggestions under consideration.


Sincerely,

The Staff

1There is one exception to this rule, which can happen in a variety of ways. Following are just a few possibilities:

  1. Sam and Dean die and two NOT CUTE characters take over their mission.

  2. It is discovered that the only reason Sam and Dean are CUTE is because they have cast a glamour spell on themselves. A witch reverses the glamour, and the show continues with the real Sam and Dean, who are totally NOT CUTE.

  3. Sam and Dean are in a horrific accident (maybe someone throws acid on their faces? The possibilities for maiming are endless!) and end up horribly disfigured. Jensen and Jared are then forced to wear itchy prosthetic makeup that makes them look like The Great Mutato and Post-Gunshot Jeffrey Spender, respectively. Since Sam and Dean are now super NOT CUTE, the fangirls stop watching in protest. Jensen Ackles loves it though, because everyone knows being ugly on film is what makes you a serious actor.

omg why?

29 Oct 2005 08:41 pm
funktagious: (starbuck - kicking ass)
was supposed to go to halloween party tonight. instead chipped elbow while at the mall, leading to INTENSE AGONY, OMG. almost threw up in junior's section of mervyn's. expensive, unreturnable costume now going to waste. am super pissed. watching cheesy sci-fi channel movies will hopefully increase cheer.

typing with one hand sucks.
funktagious: (marita - the truth hurts)
Goddamn. So, is it normal to suddenly realize that you, like, totally hate all of your friends? Because, um, what with the complete asshattery many of my friends have exhibited over the past few months, I think I've come to the conclusion that I SO TOTALLY DO.

God.

ETA: Now that I think about it, "past few months" should really be replaced with "past THREE FUCKING YEARS." Assholes.

bleargh

7 Feb 2005 10:53 pm
funktagious: (kick ass aeryn)
So, due to a MASSIVE finaid fuck-up, I got mysteriously un-registered for all of my classes. Not just withdrawn, or dropped, but un-registered. Like I was never registered to begin with. BRILLIANT. The only reason I was able to get a refund for the portion I paid for was because I had my receipts showing that, yes, in fact, I DID pay for half of my 14 credits this quarter. Now, instead of being done with my AA in June, I have to wait until August. Even though it was taking all of my energy just to convince myself I would be able to make it to June without having a complete psycho fuck freak out. Jeeeerks!

I so do not even care anymore. I want OUT OF HERE.
funktagious: (krycek)
Dear Madonna,

Please stop. Almost everything you've put out over the past decade has been unmitigated crap. The media blitz for your current album is bordering on harassment. If I wanted to listen to poorly constructed techno beats I would simply turn the volume up while playing Super Mario World. At least that would have some sort of redeeming entertainment value, anyway.

Just go be with your children and never show your face in public again.

Thank You,
People With Taste

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