RE: This Crap
It has come to our attention that you have decided you no longer need to affect even the appearance
of having "artistic vision" or "integrity"; quite the bold move. While your level of toolishness is surely applauded by your soulless network overlords, this attribute is not typically considered an asset when working in creative media.
The decision has been made, and we have no doubt it is too late to change at this juncture. However, we thought it wise to bring several facts to your attention in the event that you consider any possible future sell-outs to whiny fangirls:
- The fans you are changing entire plots for will never stop watching your show. Ever.1 In fact, the more reasons you give them to hate you, the longer they will stick with it, just to see if you ever listen to their terrible advice. Feel free to ignore them at will--it will have no effect on your ratings.
- There is a certain subset of fans who hate any character who may potentially have sexual intercourse with Sam or Dean. We understand that this makes introducing female characters problematic, as these fans will immediately call for the death of any love interest (because then Sam and Dean will be more likely to marry them, duh! Or have sex with each other!). However, were you aware that women do not just exist to be love interests? Shocking, I know, but IT'S TRUE. Perhaps to please your fans who don't hate women, you should introduce some female characters who don't particularly want to boink the Winchesters (except maybe John). Maybe a librarian or waitress in a town they pass through frequently who lets them sleep on her living floor and mends their clothes and thinks they're total dorks, but they fix her toilet and stuff, so it's cool. Or, you could bring back characters from the past, such as Ellen or Missouri. Only then will you have a chance at having a female character these particular fans will not hate (or at least not HATE-hate).
- You should also consider, possibly, spending time with actual women in real life. Did you know that they fall into more categories than just "heinous bitch," "helpless damsel," and "tough broad who won't take any of your shit"? Again, this is true, and maybe if you spend time with women who are not in comic books or snuff films, you will eventually learn how to write more likable female characters.
Please take our suggestions under consideration.
The Staff 1
There is one exception to this rule, which can happen in a variety of ways. Following are just a few possibilities:
- Sam and Dean die and two NOT CUTE characters take over their mission.
- It is discovered that the only reason Sam and Dean are CUTE is because they have cast a glamour spell on themselves. A witch reverses the glamour, and the show continues with the real Sam and Dean, who are totally NOT CUTE.
- Sam and Dean are in a horrific accident (maybe someone throws acid on their faces? The possibilities for maiming are endless!) and end up horribly disfigured. Jensen and Jared are then forced to wear itchy prosthetic makeup that makes them look like The Great Mutato and Post-Gunshot Jeffrey Spender, respectively. Since Sam and Dean are now super NOT CUTE, the fangirls stop watching in protest. Jensen Ackles loves it though, because everyone knows being ugly on film is what makes you a serious actor.