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Whiteboard: Purchased.
Organization Status: Somewhat better, although I'm still behind. At least I know exactly how far behind I am now.
1st Draft of English Paper: Still. Not. Done. GAH. I am too neurotic to live. God.
I think I've discovered my main problem with school. I think that maybe, I am supposed to care? And, yet, I do not. I don't think I have for several years now. I've kind of been in denial about this, because everyone's always like, "Katie! School! You must be in school! Or you're a failure at LIFE!" I have been programmed to feel horrible guilt about not being, or not wanting to be, in school. It's awful. And I kind of hate myself for feeling like this, but... the only reason I'm taking classes this quarter is because I'm so damn close to my AA that it seems retarded to take a break now. I mean, it seems like I should have a better reason for going to school than that, right? I should be wanting to improve myself (the biggest way I can think to "improve" myself at the moment is to move out [which I cannot afford to do unless I take a break from school]... because the parental vortex of insanity is getting to be a bit much for me [apparently, working in an office is not a "real job" because sitting at a desk means I don't actually have to "work," which, uh, fuck that shit]), or get a better job (right now, I don't mind working as an administrative assistant, and I would have few problems supporting myself if I got a full-time position), or something. Because that reason just sucks to me.
Maybe, hopefully, once I take some time off, I'll be able to get back to a place where I do care, because I genuinely like to learn, but right now, all it's doing is stressing me out and making me sad and tired. Getting an education is not supposed to make you sad, you guys!
Just five more weeks, and then I can be done with this crap for however long I want. Five. More. Weeks.
Organization Status: Somewhat better, although I'm still behind. At least I know exactly how far behind I am now.
1st Draft of English Paper: Still. Not. Done. GAH. I am too neurotic to live. God.
I think I've discovered my main problem with school. I think that maybe, I am supposed to care? And, yet, I do not. I don't think I have for several years now. I've kind of been in denial about this, because everyone's always like, "Katie! School! You must be in school! Or you're a failure at LIFE!" I have been programmed to feel horrible guilt about not being, or not wanting to be, in school. It's awful. And I kind of hate myself for feeling like this, but... the only reason I'm taking classes this quarter is because I'm so damn close to my AA that it seems retarded to take a break now. I mean, it seems like I should have a better reason for going to school than that, right? I should be wanting to improve myself (the biggest way I can think to "improve" myself at the moment is to move out [which I cannot afford to do unless I take a break from school]... because the parental vortex of insanity is getting to be a bit much for me [apparently, working in an office is not a "real job" because sitting at a desk means I don't actually have to "work," which, uh, fuck that shit]), or get a better job (right now, I don't mind working as an administrative assistant, and I would have few problems supporting myself if I got a full-time position), or something. Because that reason just sucks to me.
Maybe, hopefully, once I take some time off, I'll be able to get back to a place where I do care, because I genuinely like to learn, but right now, all it's doing is stressing me out and making me sad and tired. Getting an education is not supposed to make you sad, you guys!
Just five more weeks, and then I can be done with this crap for however long I want. Five. More. Weeks.
